For some people Christmas isn’t a time of joy, whether due to a crazy family, a cheating mate, or job-related stress (or all of the above). Thankfully, Miss Dolly Parton has some advice for you. From the highly-entertaining and highest-grossing live-action musical film of the 1980s, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, I bring you “Hard Candy Christmas,” a ballad about lonely hearts (prostitutes) who are being kicked out of their home:
While Dolly may be one of the best songwriters of all time, “Hard Candy Christmas” was actually written by composer/lyricist Carol Hall for the musical. And I’m sure we can all sleep easy at night knowing that RuPaul covered the song on his 1997 Christmas album Ho, Ho, Ho. For real:
Since “Hard Candy Christmas” isn’t necessarily a Christmas song, I’ll also throw in her “Smoky Mountain Christmas” for good measure:
Finally, congratulations to Dolly and Kenny Rogers, who recently earned their third joint Grammy nomination for “You Can’t Make Old Friends.” Cheers to the godmother of Miley Cyrus, I may get drunk on some apple wine in your honor.
p.s. on a 2003 broadcast of The Oprah Winfrey Show, Winfrey asked what kind of cosmetic surgery Parton had undergone. Parton stated that she felt that cosmetic surgery was imperative in keeping with her famous image, but jokingly admitted, “If I have one more facelift, I’ll have a beard!”